This mission features two romantic couples (Schneider & Horev, Masket & Kahlich) behaving like they’re on a harmless double date, along with Cohen, the fifth wheel who’s treating the assault on a landed UFO like the life-and-death scenario that it is.
COHEN: TAKING POINT!
SCHNEIDER: <Inhales deeply> Ahhh. It’s so nice to get out of the ship, you know? I mean don’t get me wrong, I love everybody, but personal space is kind of nonexistent.
KAHLICH: Not to mention the smells. You boys are the worst! I wish we were raiding a Yankee Candle.
MASKET: Hey, c’mon, that’s not on the two of us! It’s all Myers and his gun polish.
HOREV: Yeah, for sure. That guy is polishing his guns so much he’ll probably just blind the aliens to death.
COHEN: THEY’VE SPOTTED US!
SCHNEIDER: <Casually launches poison gas grenade> So Kahlich, what exactly drew you to Mr. Masket over here?
KAHLICH: So, you remember karaoke night?
HOREV: <Firing sniper rifle> How could anyone forget. Frederickson went totally psycho on Warren. RIP.
KAHLICH: Right! So Masket here showed up in the squad the next day, and while I was giving him the tour and describing that particular…event…he made the funniest little joke about it. What was it…
MASKET: Oh gosh, I don’t even remember anymore…
COHEN: THROWING FRAG!
MASKET: Oh! I think I said, “More like scary-oke.”
KAHLICH: Hahaha that was it!! That was totally it. “More like scary-oke.”
SCHNEIDER: You know, it’s always something silly like that. I knew Horev was the one when…youch!
COHEN: SCHNEIDER’S HIT! SHE’S HIT! WE NEED A MEDIC NOW!
KAHLICH: <Administers medkit> Sorry, when what?
HOREV: Oh god, do we really have to tell this story…
SCHNEIDER: What good are you to me if I can’t embarrass you?
COHEN: PATROL INCOMING!
SCHNEIDER: I was doing some freelance Advent-killing before I decided to go all corporate, and one day I’d managed to corner a sectoid! I was just about to blow it apart when my rifle jammed. Next thing I know, there’s this hand on my gun flipping all the right levers to get it working again. I look over, and there’s Horev of course, and he just says, “Try it now”. Well my heart melted just about as fast as that sectoid did.
COHEN: THEY’RE TRYING TO FLANK US! MOVING TO INTERCEPT!
MASKET: So have you two thought about what you might want to do post-XCOM?
HOREV: Well assuming this whole thing works out, we’re going to be international heroes, right?
MASKET: Haha so, early retirement for you?
HOREV: Hey, I’ll take it if I can get it!
SCHNEIDER: Oh please, you couldn’t stop working if you wanted…oof!
COHEN: OH GOD SHE’S HIT AGAIN! THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD!
KAHLICH: <Administers medkit> I know that feeling. Tooootal workaholic.
MASKET: Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.
KAHLICH: <Playful mean look>
COHEN: SECTOR CLEAR! UFO READY FOR…<passes out>
SCHNEIDER: Oh hey, let’s get in there and steal some stuff! Great job everybody!
HOREV: Yeah, this was fun!
MASKET: Definitely down for another sometime.
KAHLICH: Yeah! I’ll go wake up Cohen…weirdo’s falling asleep on the job.